Disclaimer: Despite being online and in the public domain this blog post is a Christmas gift for my wife Jennifer. Nothing here that I (or she) would be embarrassed by but definitely more personal than I would intentionally share with the world wide web. If I had the tech skillz to post it and limit viewing to her (is such a thing possible? probably but it's Christmas morning, this is a question I should have asked a month or so ago) I would do that but I don't and further I don't care. Just saying, if you're reading this and you're not Jennifer, well, that's on you.
2013 was the year of Jenn.
Maybe you didn't realize it as you lay in the January snow, still lamenting sick Christmas 2012, still slightly dizzy from influenza, still artificially underweight from your pre-Christmas brush with gastroenteritis. But ignoring its inauspicious start, it was exactly that, your year. Whether you were aware of it or not.
It was a year full of goals you set, most of which you reached or exceeded.
It was a year full of plans you made, lists you wrote down and then carried out and checked off (so satisfying to check items off a list).
It was a year full of friends, some you already had, some you rediscovered, some were just on Facebook. Some were new friends you made because the bishop gave you an assignment. Often the friends were in your home, eating soup you cooked, pies you baked or aebleskivers your children turned.
It was a year full of music of all kinds: strings and brass, keyboards and songs. Most Sundays the music came in the form of voices, many voices and still more as the year went on. Voices ringing in the vaulted ceiling of our living room, voices singing to you, for you, at your behest and under your direction.
It was a year of growing kids and kids growing: taller, more mature, more independent.
It was a year full of love--of all sorts: motherly love, brotherly and sisterly love (and cousinly love) neighbourly love, friendly love (I just love ... Liz, Connie, Shauna, Carol, Bishop Michaelis, K. and S. De Haan, Zach and Julia etc.) and romantic love. It was a year for lovers, you and me.
Mostly, for me, it was a year full of you. Of me watching you, admiring you, appreciating you and documenting you. Some of that documentation came in the form of earlier blogs (you've read them) and also social media ("Did you see that I wrote nice things about you on Facebook?" -Jenn). As it turns out Facebook will compile* your top twenty moments of the year for you so you can share them with just the click of a mouse. Not sure how they know what twenty moments were the best. Number of likes/comments perhaps? But facebook doesn't know the details that didn't make it online, the ones that weren't in the public eye but that were important in the year of Jenn. It doesn't know about pillow talk and Costco dates, it doesn't know about adventure savings cards and delicious phở and even more delicious caramel apples, it doesn't know all the entertaining thoughts that nathan and Mathis share almost daily and it certainly doesn't know about the poetry in the year of Jenn. That I reserve (mostly) for you and only you. But all of it is worth another look, in my opinion anyway and since I'm driving this train, look we shall.
*It turns out you already did your facebook year in review. You kinda opened part of your Christmas presents early, but only part. There are still a few more gifts under the tree.
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I love this picture, it's genuine, comforting, cozy. I can see the lines of laughter, years of stress, the worries and rewards that come from being a mom and a wife in middle age. You look very... maternal, in the best way. You look just... so. Just as you should as a forty one year old mother of four. You've fought the battle to stay in shape to a draw more or less and you look content. This is Fall 2012 before the year of Jenn. Compare it to:
Jennifer at age 42, Fall of 2013 (the year of Jenn)
It's as though you've found the fountain of youth, a portal back in time. You look younger, stronger, trim and taught. You also look more confident, wiser perhaps. What did David say? Enlightened? I agree. So how did you get from maternal and content to empowered and enlightened? Let's go back and see, what do you say?
January
Brunch
Does our house ever feel more warm
cozy
and inviting
than on winter brunch mornings?
Seegmillers,
Norris-s,
Michaelis-s,
De Haans
and Aebleskivers
Is there a better way to start the New Year?
Maybe include the Emetts?
Done.
After all the friends go home, and we've eaten all our chips and dips and ginger ale and Raspberry delight that's frozen, after we've watched all the bowl games and put away the decorations, after all that the only thing left to do is get the scale and assess the damage. And there is always damage (always). Unfortunately, in January, in Utah the roads are frozen and sky is is full of noxious and possibly poisonous air. I don't remember when you decided you were half iron-manning (fer-rillz, not just for pretenz) but if the seed was already beginning to germinate, it may have been what inspired your Olympic oval group running pass. That's about to expire by the way, on or around January twentieth (if you were wondering). It's a group pass, but I guess you were the group leader?
January 9 near West Jordan, UT
Hey, running peeps, what do you know about a 'team pass' at the Oval? ~J
January 28 The Oval is open for running tomorrow. (And you are all registered, Jill (Nick), Emily,Shauna's kids, Elizabeth, Tina, Erika, Kristin.) Just go to the desk to check in. All you need is my last and first names. Jill, Andrea needs to sign the roster the first time she goes. Sorry you are sick, Emily.
Now get going. No excuses.
"It's too early, too cold, my legs hurt, I was up late..." Sound familiar? Don't let excuses run your life. Just run.
In January we had soup night, our second one. This time with Mill-ipps and Johnsons and Smyths. When we had our tithing settlement I wondered if we accomplished our assignment from Bishop Michaelis: Four new friends. Friend-friends the kind you feel comfortable kicking off your shoes (a requirement in our home, but not in others' homes) and relaxing on the couch, friends you don't feel like you have to entertain or be entertained by, friends who are easy company. And then I realized, as we were contemplating our January 1st brunch that there were at least half a dozen families, probably more, that would qualify as friends that are just for us, a brunch that requires no stress because we're being entertained while we entertain. So I guess we fulfilled our assignment?
Great time at the Steven Jenn Larsen with the Adam Smyths and the Scott Johnsonand the Elizabeth Phillipps
Thanks gang that was a lot of fun
Comfort Food
Did you know I was thinking of you
and loving you just now?
Does that mean I missed you?
then I missed you too
So you know
I can't wait for spaghetti,
some warm bread
and to give you a hug ...
Yeah, that's pretty much the order
cause I'm hungry
not because I value the others more
You know?
February
Thoughts of you stirred my heart this morning
as I drove into the rec center parking lot
a familiar song running through my mind
a song that I used to associate with suffering
but for now
makes me think of ...
living
the sweet ecstatic joy
of life
with you
Mekong Cafe Date with the Mill-ipps. We are locked in a my fitness pal* struggle but we take a night off for dinner with friends.
Valentine's date:
It turns out that a massage table as a Valentine's gift isn't weird or creepy at all. It came in handy many, many times
On Valentine's Day we exercised and weighed in. I was 188.9 lbs. First time under 190 in ... I don't even know. A long time, and still I somehow lost the competition. Is this the contest where it was pretty clear I was going to win so you changed the rules at halftime, citing anatomical disparities as the reason you were going down in defeat? I think it was.
After weigh in we tried out the massage table, it was unexpectedly sturdy. Supports 400 lbs (said so on the box) that's like ... both of us (and then some).
We went to Winger's for lunch, got your new, white gold wedding band sized and then to back country/competitive cyclist to welcome the new addition to our cycling circle
It turns out that a massage table as a Valentine's gift isn't weird or creepy at all. It came in handy many, many times
On Valentine's Day we exercised and weighed in. I was 188.9 lbs. First time under 190 in ... I don't even know. A long time, and still I somehow lost the competition. Is this the contest where it was pretty clear I was going to win so you changed the rules at halftime, citing anatomical disparities as the reason you were going down in defeat? I think it was.
After weigh in we tried out the massage table, it was unexpectedly sturdy. Supports 400 lbs (said so on the box) that's like ... both of us (and then some).
We went to Winger's for lunch, got your new, white gold wedding band sized and then to back country/competitive cyclist to welcome the new addition to our cycling circle
Feels like
Christmas morning and all the presents are for me. Welcome to the family
mademoiselle Ridley (che bella cosa!).
Semper Fidelis
Valentine's
is a day for lovers
a day to profess your devotion
and fidelity
to that special someone in your life
So it is not without irony
that our day ended in a love triangle
involving a pert Belgian
dressed smartly
in red and black
in red and black
and shod with designer, carbon-fiber footwear
You are still the love of my life
you occupy more than 99% of my heart
Surely you can share that last 1%
with the Flemish siren?
Jenn!!! I just made banana bread with your flour and it is amazing! I can't even really taste the difference between it and regular banana bread. I told Mike I wanted to write you a love letter, but he made me promise to keep it PG. He's eating it without problems, too. I LOVE you! Thank you!
Steven Jenn Larsen
nathan's night out at Crown Burger (mmm Crown Burger) 898 calories (per my
fitness pal). That's with the bun. Don't know how many calories Jenn saved by
going bun-free. Totally worth it though.-S
nathan's night out
Has there ever been a boy
who could perfectly capture the delight
of an otherwise simple
and possibly forgettable
moment,
evening
or event
with his ear to ear grin
quite like nathan can?
Probably there has been
but nathan is mine,
ours
and when he smiles so genuinely
I can't help but smile with him
After Crown burger we went to a play: Thoroughly Modern Millie. It was thoroughly inappropriate for 14 year old kids but nathan didn't seem to notice (and he got a burger and a shake).
March
Raechel is Spring
Her leonine changes in disposition
like the the mercurial weather of March
The way her smile brightens her face
like the season's first daffodils
pushing their yellow petals
through late winter's still melting snow
and how her cheerful moods
feel like the long awaited gift
of April tulips
The way she sprouted from a pint-sized
brown eyed girl
full of laughter and hugs
and topped with ringlets
to the tall,
confident,
semi-aloof (even on her tranquil days)
young woman she is today
in what seemed like just a few tempestuous months
Like Spring Raechel was new
she taught us to be parents
and her budding maturity
and growing independence
would make me more sad today
were there not more seasons
that follow Spring
A conversation about Reachel:
Robby: So what's the deal with Raechel? Does she just work every Sunday?
Me: She's actually investigating new religions, I think she's interested in becoming a Druid.
Robby: A what?
Me: A Druid, you know, the people who worship trees and celebrate the soltices? It's a Celtic religion, they are the ones who built Stonehenge.
Robby: For Reals?
Me: No, not for reals. She works most Sundays.
Robby: Oh. Well with Raechel you never know.
Junior Prom
When our house was being built (this would be some 13 years ago) I told Jennifer that one day we would sit in our living room (which at the time consisted of plywood floors and framed walls without drywall) and watch as our daughters walked down the staircase dressed to 9s for their prom dates. At the time Raechel was too young for preschool and Elaine was still in diapers. Now? I feel like I'm living in a Hallmark movie and muttering clichés like "where does the time go?" You looked radiant Raechel. Kudos to Kimber for a fabulous job on your make-up and hair and to Brett for making you smile so genuinely. It warmed my heart even as it made me wistful. -Dad
Raechel's Poem
Have I told you lately that I'm proud of
you?
Of the young woman you are
and who you can become
who you will become?
Have I praised you for the good things
you do
the effort you put into your school work
your violining
(not a word says spellcheck but
spellcheck also says spellcheck's not a word so ...)
The fact that you got a job
and work at it well enough that they
asked you back
even after other seasonal help was
dismissed?
Have I mentioned that I admire your
independent spirit
your critical and analytic mind
that gets misinterpreted by some
as negativity and cynicism?
the fact that you did so well on the ACT
that you qualify for a scholarship?
Have I complimented you on your fashion
sense
or the graceful reserve with which you
carry yourself
that makes you seem mature beyond your
years
to people much older than you?
If I haven't then I've been remiss.
You deserve to hear it
not just because it feels good to hear
those things
but because they are true
and because I love you
and always will.
Here's a song (apropos of nothing, but
maybe not)
PS Did you know it's hard to watch your
kids grow up? That's not an excuse, just the truth.
Thank You
Gracias
por hacer me la comida
y despues el amor
Gracias
por no divorciarme
en tu corazón ni en mis sueños
Gracias
por n0 ser una esposa mediana
ni amiga mediana
ni amante mediana
siempre te amo
zyomay
merci
Pour me faire dîner
puis faire l'amour
merci
pour ne pas divorcer moi
Dans ton coeur
et dans mes rêves
merci
pour ne pas être un meiocre
femme
ami
et l'amant
Je t'aime toujours
zyomay
March 21 near Taylorsville, UT
Yoga this morning. It makes me happy. Thanks Cassandra! Sorry Steven Jenn Larsen. That's my kid.
A Wednesday in Spring
I thought of a poem
about midnight blog readings on a smart phone
and irregular cardiac rhythms
as witnessed on that same troublesome device,
of stethoscopes, heart tones
and skipped beats.
In that poem
I would have had to mention
an intimate embrace
and a surprisingly pleasant treatment for palpitations
that when done correctly,
unfortunately,
exacerbates the problem with your knee.
Later,
there would also be
the matter of bad dreams
so real they make you want to cry.
Apocalyptic clouds
and imperiled children.
More wee hours of the morning conversations
more worries and restlessness (you)
more comforting and concern (me)
and more wondering
when it's OK to stop cuddling (and validating)
and just sleep. (me, again)
Then there would be me,
canceling my early AM rec center appt.
for the first time this year
only to have my 'sleep-in' cancelled in turn
by Kimber's expired registration.
When I realized
that it all was still in my mind
when I got to work
and there still
after I got caught up on housekeeping details
and even after my first and second patients
I had to write it down
Because it made me think again
that I love you today
like I have
for twenty one years
three months
several weeks
a few hours
and a couple dozen precious minutes.
Those same minutes
still taking up space
in my mind and in my heart,
inspiring poetry
on an otherwise unexceptional Wednesday morning.
April
"Spring has sprung and autumn's so well done." -Echo and the Bunnymen
It really is spring. Why else would we be strolling in daybreak on a Sunday afternoon?
State Finals
- National Geographic Bee with Mathis (the Westland Elementary Champion)
Ankara! (How could I forget Ankara?)
Mathis makes the state finals for the Geo Bee and chooses Stanford (the lolly-pop, his University choice is pending, but Stanford has a good football team so, maybe?)
Mathis' version of the burger inspired ear to ear grin
April 5 near West Jordan, UT
We almost forgot! Everyone is invited to our house Saturday night (after the Priesthood session) for ice cream. You can bring brownies or a finger food or don't bring anything but just come. It's tradition*! (Well, not yet but maybe one day it will be.) Feel free to pass the word along...
*I guess we'll find out this April if it took?
*I guess we'll find out this April if it took?
7 am: 5k run (at 8:14 pace. Jennifer just keeps getting faster, easy to forget she's about to turn 42). This was by herself. We share many interests and activities, but running is not one. She actually ran 5 miles but the first and last were warm-up/cool down so I guess they don't count?
10:15 am One hour massage on massage Valentine's Day gift massage table
Noon (ish) lunch at Mekong cafe. The place was packed so while we waited we pretended we were in one of those photo booths they used to have at miniature golf or bowling alleys, where you get to take three photos in rapid succession? Mixed results there (these would be the best of many). Had to take pictures of the food (cause it's delicious and really the reason facebook was invented [so people can take pictures of what they are about to eat and send it to their friends] just doing our part to play along). I let slip that it was Jenn's birthday date and Brenda (she of the boisterous laughter and sunny disposition) brought Jenn some (sticky) rice pudding with mangos.
Absolutely decadent (we'd better give Jenn a moment to herself here).
1:30 Sweet cake bake shop for gluten free Cupcakes and cookies that want for nothing. Everything there is delicious. Jenn has basically been on a sugar fast for 3 weeks. It ends here and now.
2:00 Leonardo Museum of Science and Technology/Library Square. Jenn does a lot of stumbling and bumping into things (sugar crash, I told her not to eat that entire Oatmeal Cookie Creme sandwich by herself).
4:30 Costco (most Thursdays we end up here and call it a date, today it's just part of a date).
5:30, Home. feed kids, fall asleep on the couch. I think at some point Jenn may have eaten two more cupcakes and part of a peanut butter, chocolate bar. I'll have to check on that.
Kids are fed and happy, house is clean, it's Thursday night and we have nowhere we need to be and nothing urgent we're supposed to be doing. Can't ask for much more than that.
Happy Birthday Honey.
April 19 David Rollins
April 19 David Rollins
That's
what I want for my birthday. You two are such an inspiration. Happy Birthday, Jennifer! xoxo
42
"The Answer to the Great Question... Of Life, the Universe and Everything... Is... Forty-two,' said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.”
The answer to everything is forty-two... and so are you.
Happy birthday my dear friend!! I hope it was a good day filled with naps and laughs! -Liz Phillips
Thanks for letting us sing for you today, and hang out at your house, and eat lots of caramel popcorn, and leave lots of caramel popcorn on the floor, and letting your daughter come, even though it's your birthday, and sometime in the next month, between the craziness of everything, we really need to hang out.Happy Birthday! Love you! -Kristin
Thanks for letting us sing for you today, and hang out at your house, and eat lots of caramel popcorn, and leave lots of caramel popcorn on the floor, and letting your daughter come, even though it's your birthday, and sometime in the next month, between the craziness of everything, we really need to hang out.Happy Birthday! Love you! -Kristin
Oh yeah,
choir rehearsal at 8:30 am in the chapel for anyone who can make it...Elizabeth, MeriLynne, Kristin, Connie, Shellie...
oh, this is taking too long. Just everyone come if you can. ~J
Choir run
through tomorrow morning at 8:30. No rehearsal after church.
Happy Easter, everyone!
Um, any of my choir on facebook tonight? We have a run through tomorrow morning at 8:30. (Then regular choir tomorrow but NO choir next week.)
Happy Easter, everyone!
Um, any of my choir on facebook tonight? We have a run through tomorrow morning at 8:30. (Then regular choir tomorrow but NO choir next week.)
CHOIR is
singing tomorrow. Please meet at 8:30 in the chapel. Have a good night!
Reminder ... Please come to the chapel at 8:30 Sunday morning to rehearse with the organ. We only have ONE more rehearsal Sunday afternoon so please (pretty please) come.
Thank you.
I've said it more than once and I'll say it again... You are such a talented, amazing, wonderful, outstanding choir and I love you all! You work hard and it shows. You sing with the Spirit and it brings me so much joy to lead you. Thank you.
Reminder ... Please come to the chapel at 8:30 Sunday morning to rehearse with the organ. We only have ONE more rehearsal Sunday afternoon so please (pretty please) come.
Thank you.
I've said it more than once and I'll say it again... You are such a talented, amazing, wonderful, outstanding choir and I love you all! You work hard and it shows. You sing with the Spirit and it brings me so much joy to lead you. Thank you.
Choir Director
A choir is a gifted but undisciplined child
a musical mob
a herd of cats
A choir is a room full of voices
looking for a reason to speak
and a tune to carry
A choir is water at the bottom of a well
it needs to be drawn forth
by sweat of brow
and force of will
A choir is water at the bottom of a well
it needs to be drawn forth
by sweat of brow
and force of will
A Choir requires a firm hand
as well as a soft touch
It needs to be cajoled and encouraged
implored and praised
and occasionally bribed
sometimes it needs to be scolded
or reigned in
if you do it right
the correction can sound like a compliment
but it requires a deft approach
if you do it right
the correction can sound like a compliment
but it requires a deft approach
A choir needs guidance and direction,
a Gospel choir needs motivation and inspiration
It needs to know that what it is singing is true
so others can know that too
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link
a choir is only as good as its Director helps it to be
that's a lot of pressure
It requires vision
and faith
an eye for details
and an ear for pitch
it occupies your thoughts
and disrupts your sleep
it taxes you
emotionally
intellectually
and spiritually
But in the end
the effort
as much as the result
is the blessing
that comes with the calling
Is this your favourite calling ever? It likely cost you an opportunity to work with Connie in the Young Women's programme, but in the end the Bishop was right (and inspired).
A new hair style
though today is the type of day
or perhaps day after,
that would have me thinking of one.
If I'd had the time
the poem would be about the dream you that I met yesterday
the you that was you but not you
in the way that only makes sense in dreams
The dream you
that was almost you
but not quite you,
had hair that was straighter
the tresses just barely long enough
to cloak your inclined head
and shade the satisfied smile
on the face
that was almost yours
May
Rodney is a good Home Teacher (in case you forgot).
For Mother's
day: New porch furniture
(it was cold on the porch,
then it wasn't)
and the sprinklers fixed. Yip-pee!
"There's your problem, right there."
For Mother's Day your mom came (your dad too) and I got to speak in church. I was glad for the opportunity to tell your mom how much having her in my life has meant. She knows, I know she knows but it was the closest I could come to saying happy Mother's Day to my own mom ... you know?
Womanhood
In the book of Moses we read:
And I, the Lord God, said unto mine aOnly Begotten,
that it is not good that man should be balone; wherefore,
I will make an chelp meet for
him.
And I, the Lord God, caused a deep sleep to fall
upon Adam; and he slept, and I took one of his ribs And the rib which I,
the Lord God, had taken from man, made I a awoman, and
brought her unto the man. And aAdam said: This I
know now is bone of my bones, andbflesh of my
flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man.
I have been
asked to speak today on Womanhood and I’m ashamed to admit that when I received
the assignment I didn’t initially make the connection that I would be speaking
about Womanhood on Mother’s Day. Brother Thomas actually called as
I was leaving for work and when I did finally realize what he had asked me to
do, I spent the better part of that morning a bit flummoxed. It seemed a
tall order at the time. And frankly, it still sort feels that way
So I ask for your prayers on my behalf as I take on a topic about
which I care deeply even as I feel inadequate to the task.
The story of
Helaman’s army of two thousand stripling warriors, young men who, armed with a
knowledge of their mother’s love and unwavering faith went to war and saved a
country, is one that is familiar to each of us. So much so that a song
has been written about it and T-shirts have been made. It’s part of our
religious iconography & spiritual lore. And rightfully so, it’s a
miraculous story full of core gospel principles like obedience, faith, fidelity
to God and country and the protective force of righteous living. It’s a
story of a valiant group of young men standing firm in the face of unrighteous
aggression. In short, it’s a story about heroes and heroism, and who
doesn’t love a story like that?
But today I
would like to direct your minds to another group of young individuals to whom
an entire Kingdom owed their lives. We pick up the story at the top of a tower
in the land of Nephi. Gideon, a righteous Nephite leader is about to slay
the wicked King Noah when they both notice that an army of Lamanites has
entered the borders of their land. The two stop fighting among themselves
and rally their men to stand against the invaders. But sadly their
numbers are few, and it is obvious that they will not be able to repel so great
a force. It is at this moment that the wicked King Noah (and yes his full
title should always include ‘the wicked’ before King Noah) tells his men to
abandon the battlefield, leave their wives and children and run to the
wilderness. Unbelievably, many of the men do exactly that. The
cowardice of this act galls me, every time I read this passage, and I choose
not to imagine the conversations that must have taken place between those
husbands and fathers and their wives and children when later they repented of
their actions and returned to their families. I anticipate at some point
there will be a talk in general priesthood session titled Never Abandon Your
Post and those Nephite men who fled into the wilderness will provide
the object lesson. This, however, is not that talk. Rather I would
like to discuss those individuals who were left behind specifically a
remarkable group of young women whose courage and valour matches and perhaps
even exceeds that of Helaman’s two thousand. Let’s call them ‘the
Daughters of Gideon’.
With many of
their men gone and an invading army preparing to fall upon them to finish the
job they had started, these young daughters were sent to stand before the
marauding horde, armed only with an appeal to what Abraham Lincoln referred to
as ‘the better angels of their nature’ for if such angels do in
fact speak to the souls of men, then surely the messages they carry come from
the hearts and lips of women.
I want you to
take a second with me, and in your mind picture what that must have looked
like. Think of the courage, and trust those young women displayed at that
pivotal moment. We can never know what must have gone through the minds
of the Lamanite soldiers as the Daughters of Gideon stood between them
and their malicious intentions, but from the prophet Jacob we learn that
despite their many faults, the Lamanite men respected and honoured women.
In the third chapter of Jacob we read that the Lamanites had not
forgotten the commandment of the Lord that they should have one wife and of
concubines they should have none. Further, and, perhaps most importantly,
“their husbands loved their wives and their wives loved their husbands and
their husbands and wives loved their children.”
No, we cannot
know what went through the minds of the Lamanite soldiers but I like to believe
they were reminded of their own daughters and their own wives and mothers and
in the face of that memory and the courageous young women standing before them,
the fight, for lack of a better term, was taken out of them.
And so, a
valiant group of young women stood in the face of unrighteous aggression and
pierced the hearts of an army of men bent on their destruction, not with spears
or arrows, but with compassion and tenderness. And through
their courage the entire Kingdom was saved.
What an
amazing moment in the history of humankind. Somebody, perhaps Janice Kapp
Perry, should write a song about it. It’s a wonderful story full of core
gospel principles like valour and love of family, of standing steadfast and
immovable despite the wickedness that surrounds you. of honoring and respecting
virtuous women and the power that a woman’s virtue has to lead otherwise evil
men to make right choices.
In short,
it’s a story about heroines and heroism and who doesn’t love a story like that?
The moral of
this story is that there is a strength that exceeds the physical, that
eclipses the brutal, that surpasses and even pacifies the carnal. It is
to this strength, the innate strength of women, that I wish to direct the
remainder of my comments this morning.
I realize
that the subject ‘the strength of women’ is better suited to a week-long
symposium than a sacrament meeting talk but I would like to take a moment,
however briefly, to express my gratitude for those strong and virtuous women
who have been a part of my life and the way those strengths have impacted it
for good. I’m speaking of the strengths of love, of patience, of
inspiration, of compassion and of perspective.
I can’t speak
about the strength of love and not think of my mother-in-law Elenor and as a
happy coincidence she happens to be here today, though I assure you she did not
come all the way from Ontario Canada just to hear me speak. As many
of you know my own mother passed away many years ago, while I was serving as a
missionary in South America as a matter of fact, and for many years I would
have found it very difficult to speak in church on Mother’s day. That might
still be case today if not for, Elenor. From the day she met me she has
treated me as one of her own. All she needed to know was that I was
somebody important to the daughter that she loved and instantly that capacity
to love expanded to include me. She has seven children and from those
seven she has added six sons and daughters in law and I am certain that she
loves each of them as though they were her own, though clearly I’m the favorite
… but here’s the thing, I’m sure among the other five sons & daughters-in-law
there are several if not all that probably feel as though they are her
favourite as well, (even though clearly they are not). But that’s the
nature of Elenor’s love. It feels enormous and unending. Mom,
(and I call her that without a speck of irony because I know she regards me as
one of her sons) Mom, is a strong woman in many, many ways but it
is the strength of her constant and constantly expanding love that keeps her
family close despite being spread geographically across the entire north
american continent.
I’m grateful
for the strength of patience, never more evident than when I have had the
opportunity to substitute in Primary for sharing time and observe the perpetual
motion of our little ones as the Primary leaders, with the patience of Job, teach
them their first gospel lessons through music and song. As I have joined
my voice with theirs and sung ‘I am a child of God’ the Spirit has
confirmed to me yet again that it was true. And I knew that when I was
three years old, a similarly dedicated primary leader, blessed with the
strength of patience, was among the first to help me understand that divine
principle.
There’s the
patience Jennifer shows with me as a father of boys who will soon be young men.
A father who even after almost seventeen years on the job is still learning the
difference between coddling, which I feel is counter-productive, and nurturing
which as parents is a responsibility we both share. It just seems to come
naturally to Jennifer, I on the other hand am still learning and I appreciate
her patience with me as I do.
There’s the
strength of inspiration. Not the inspiration of personal revelation or
insight, though that is definitely a strength that many women possess, but
rather the power of women to inspire the hearts of men to reach for a higher
plane, to seek the good in themselves, to overcome the natural man’s selfish
instincts.
I have a
daughter who as Shakespeare put it is “of a pretty age” or in more plain
English she is sixteen, which by edict of the For the Strength of Youth
pamphlet and by tradition means that she can go on dates … with boys ...
no matter how I as her father feel about it.
I actually
say that in complete jest, I know that as a father of daughters my parental
defense radar should be pinging loudly as they enter this time of their lives
but honestly it does not, rather as I watch the young men who have come around
in their clumsy way to pitch woo I have been more amused than anything. I
remember me at that age and the mystery that was young women and how difficult
and painful was the pursuit of them. If anything my
instinct is to give these would be suitors advice rather than chase them away,
but I realize that this would be pointless. Whomever it is that wins the
hearts and hands of my daughters will have to do so on their own merits and at
the expenditure of great effort and energy to prove that they are worthy of
that prize. The process if done correctly will be refining
and in the end will make them the kind of men with whom my daughters will want
to spend eternity. And it is a process, one that will
take a lifetime. Courtship should never end. I firmly believe that
heaven’s blessings are reserved for those who make a constant effort to
brighten the days or ease the burdens of our Heavenly Father’s daughters here
on earth, not just our wives and mothers, but all women, everywhere. Likewise I
believe there will be an accounting for every sin of commission or omission.
We will be required to answer for every tear provoked by our actions and
every thoughtless word or neglected opportunity for service. Would you
expect any less from a Father who loves and cherishes his daughters?
Some of the
rewards of this process are of course more immediate. There are few
things in my life more sublimely satisfying than discovering the thoughtful
gesture, the sincerely appreciated act of service, or the perfect words
that will lift Jennifer and make her day happier. Without saying a word,
she challenges me to try every day to please her and in the end it’s my character
that is changed, my heart that is
softened and my life, more than hers,
that is blessed by the effort. Sisters, please
never forget and never underestimate the ability you have to stir and awaken
the nascent divinity that exists in the souls of all the sons or our Father in
Heaven. You have the ability to make this world kinder, more peaceful and more ready for our Saviour's return, one man at a time.
When I think
of the strength of Compassion I can’t help but think of the sisters who serve
in the Relief Society. The Saviour said, even as ye have done it unto the
least of these, ye have done it unto me. There was a period of my life
when I felt that the Saviour was referring specifically to me when he spoke of ‘the
least of these’ and though there were many hands that reached down to
help me up and got me back on my feet, I distinctly remember the RS president
and her counselors taking special interest, doing what they could to show
through compassionate service that they genuinely cared. I know for a
fact that as a presidency they sat down and counseled among themselves how to
best reach out to me and my family and meet our needs as we went through a
trying time in our lives. The thought of them caring enough to do this
for me is at once humbling and wonderful.
I also know
that that compassion and service comes at a cost both emotional and physical,
that the burden of knowing about needs that exist, of caring for and meeting
those needs is exactly that, a burden. One that they bear without
complaint or thought of recompense. My wife once told me that when
she was called to be the RS president she felt a physical weight, perhaps
mantle would be a better term, but something tangible that never left her but
was present to a much greater degree when she was within the ward boundaries
than when she was outside them. The good sisters that followed her,
Sister Phillips and Sister Crowder must have felt this as well and I can sense
it every time I talk to President Dimmick. She’s still the lovely and
energetic woman that I’ve had the privilege of knowing for the past thirteen
years but there’s a weight she carries, a burden, mine and yours. And
though she and her counselors would never ask for or expect special recognition,
they absolutely deserve it. So on behalf of the ward, thank you for the
strength of your compassion. It has the ability to change
and yes, even save lives. I stand here today as living proof of
that fact.
The strength
of perspective was perfectly demonstrated in a recent General Conference
address by President Uchtdorf. In this talk he admitted that he was an
aficionado of cycling, my ears instantly perked up, I also have been known to
enjoy a bike ride. President Unchtdorf then added that he enjoyed going for
rides with his wife. “Me too!” I thought. He then confessed
that on rides he often wants to push himself, to see how far and how fast he
can go. I thought: “Are you kidding me, I don’t just know this
guy, I am this guy!” I immediately began making plans to start
loitering around City Creek and the avenues on my bike so I could accidentally
run into my now favourite general authority and go for a ride together. I
could picture it in my mind, every Thursday afternoon we would meet up on North
Temple and together storm to the top of Emigration Canyon, setting personal
records right and left and high fiving each other when we got to the top.
Yeah, it’s possible that I let my imagination run away with me a little,
and more importantly, I missed the point of the talk, in much the same way
President Uchtdorf missed the point of his bike ride. That purpose as
pointed out by his wise and loving wife was not to see how fast they could
arrive at the finish but rather to enjoy the time they had on the road.
Using the
bike as a metaphor for life she told him (and I will paraphrase here)
slow down Dieter, why are you always rushing to finish one thing just to move
on to the next? Enjoy the ride, fill your lungs with the fresh air, smell
the summer leaves, the freshly cut grass and the backyard BBQs, appreciate the
colours of the flowers in the flower beds, say hello to that strange man
who seems to always be pedaling up and down this street looking for somebody to
ride with … In other words, find joy in the journey.
After all, as the prophet Lehi taught, Men are that they might have
joy, it just often takes a woman’s sensitivity and sensibility to remind us
of that fact.
My gratitude
list of strong and virtuous women wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the
Young Women’s program and the blessing it has been to our girls. I’m
grateful for Our YW leaders’ their dedication and inspired leadership.
Through my attendance at various Young Women in Excellence and New
Beginnings activities I have seen that they know our girls personally, that
they love them individually and they appreciate their unique qualities.
On more than one occasion, as part of these activities, the leadership
has asked me as a parent to take a moment and write down what makes my
daughters special or precious to me or write them a letter sharing my
testimony. Without exception these assignments have brought me closer to
my daughters and have helped me to love and appreciate their distinct
personalities and the blessing it is to have them in our family.
As part of
every one of these Young Women’s activities the Young Women theme is recited,
and it is with those inspired words which are to all
daughters of our father in heaven, not just those in the Young Women’s program,
that I wish to end my talk but I can’t do so without thinking of the missionary
letter from Elder De Hann that appeared in this month’s Ward Newsletter.
If you haven’t yet read it yet it’s a wonderful message about inspiration
and fearlessly opening your mouth and allowing the Lord to provide for you the
right words to say in the moment they need to be said. But what stuck with me was the experience he
had as he read the words of the Sacrament prayer in the book of Moroni.
They were words he had heard so many times in his life that he no longer
felt the power present in them. I understand that sentiment
completely. If you hear something enough times it becomes almost like
wallpaper. Spiritual wallpaper, to be sure but something you may still
appreciate but fail to take notice. I fear that through frequent
repetition of the Young Women theme the same may become true for my daughters,
so it is in the hope that this is never the case that I share this with you generally,
but with them specifically:
We are
daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will “stand as witnesses of God at all times and in
all things, and in all places” As we strive to live the Young Women values,
which are:
Faith •
Divine Nature • Individual Worth • Knowledge • Choice and Accountability • Good
Works • Integrity • and Virtue ...
Sisters of
the church, I want you to know that I know that
these words are true.
You are
daughters of a Heavenly Father who knows and loves each of you individually.
Your lives
are a precious gift from Him, not just to you but to every person and thing
that your life touches.
You are what
the Prophet Joseph Smith referred to when he wrote “If there is anything
virtuous, lovely, of good report or praiseworthy …”
This world is
an infinitely better place because you are in it.
On this day
of all days I am profoundly grateful for every woman who is, or ever has been,
a part of my life no matter how big or small. Each of you in your way are
an inspiration to me. You make me want to be a better man.
Preparing
this talk has afforded me the opportunity to contemplate anew Our Father in
Heaven's profound and profoundly gracious words uttered at the dawn of humanity's
existence: "It is not good for man to
be alone." Heaven help us if for any reason the
blessing of strong and virtuous women is ever taken from our lives.
In the name
of Jesus Christ amen.
Your mom and dad left and then you left on your London substitute vacation and I stayed behind with a house full of kids a half empty bed and poetry in my heart.
A poem for airport good-byes
It was probably the early hour
or the restless night's sleep,
your considerate but unsuccessful attempt
not to wake me with your shower
or possibly it was the frenetic final four days of preparation
leading up to this morning
that left me feeling physically distant,
emotionally disconnected.
I should be sad
I should be wistful
I should feel nostalgic for the time you are away
and the time you will be back
was what I thought as we left our neighbourhood
in the almost light of pre-dawn
Instead I felt ... surly
weary
resigned,.
without poetry to give you
for your long hours on the road.
But then you told me you were happy I could exercise
instead of coming in to stand with you
like Stu would
for Joanne
and I felt ashamed for thinking just seconds earlier
of how I liked the efficiency and speed
of the curb drop.
How I was glad of it.
You gave me one last hug
a tight squeeze
like the hug in the kitchen last night
a hug that says
I wish I had more to give you
that I had given it when I had the chance
but now what I have is this hug
and a promise
Then you shouldered your bags
and walked into the terminal
I watched, knowing you would look back
over your now burdened shoulders
and wave
at least twice,
maybe three times.
In your comfortable traveling-yoga pants
and white hooded sweatshirt
you looked youthful
and happy
You reminded me of the young Jennifer
that came to get me from that same airport
when we were mostly
but not all the way
engaged
And all the emotion I thought I hadn't felt:
The longing when you hugged me in the kitchen,
that hug of regret and promise
The pride when I saw you in your tri- suit
all toned and athletic looking
The semi-guilty voyeuristic desire and stirring
when you showed me your limited-time only coiffure
The welcome calm and comforting peace
when you talked me back to bed
for pillow talk;
the last nocturne for ten days
or eleven
All of that came to me in a rush.
I was blindsided
and I had to suppress a Hollywood-cliché desire
to leave the van parked illegally
and chase you into the terminal
and tell you
not to stay
but not to go
without knowing that you make me feel
so much
even when I don't want to.
Instead I swallowed a sob,
(no exaggeration, one more blindside surprise)
wiped away one and a half tears,
and drove home
thinking of the poem
I hadn't known was in my heart
and head
Until you left.
It's Tuesday morning
the morning my shower
generally includes
a shave.
Cause you never know
It might be a lucky Tuesday
even though history
and experience
argue against it.
My Tuesday shave
Is the romantic equivalent
of purchasing a power-ball lottery ticket
every week
cause somebody has to win.
Right?
Does that mean
somebody,
somewhere
gets lucky
every Tuesday
when I shave?
I'm not sure how the universe works
but if hurricanes can come into being
on the wings of butterflies
then why can't my Tuesday shave
make some husband,
somewhere
feel like it's marde gras
for no reason he could have anticipated?
This morning I regarded my razor
for a moment longer than usual
then set it back on the ledge
Not because someone,
somewhere
doesn't deserve a blissful reprieve
from the mid-week monotony of life
but because
today
you are gone.
As I continued my shower
sans shave
the memory of a Jewish woman
that we met on our pre grad-school flight to Baltimore
entered my head.
She was wearing a dark blue denim vest
with a rend in the chest
near her heart
She wore it in mourning of a loved one
who had recently passed
I thought
"that's what I will do
if I ever lose you."
Only instead of a torn garment
I will cloak my grief
with a beard of bereavement.
So today
won't be lucky Tuesday
for me
or whomever
the power-ball winner
might have been.
Next Tuesday
doesn't look promising
either
Date night without you
Museum Date
I don't remember whose idea it was
to go on a date to the Church History museum
Yours?
Mine?
What we did didn't matter to me
I was glad of any activity that included you
I do remember you wore the outfit
that you wore on our first (official) date
a white cotton blouse
with long sleeves
and some ornamentation
or ruffle
a fancy collar or buttons?
something that made it not 'just' a white long sleeve T-shirt
and navy blue pants.
The first time you wore it I was ensorceled
the second time
I think we fell in love.
At the museum we saw John Taylor's pocketwatch
the one that prevented a bullet
from piercing his heart
Later in the evening
You told me
your heart
was falling for me
I think it was at that point
I knew
we would be together
always
because I was pretty sure
I loved you too
and couldn't imagine wanting to go on another date
museum or otherwise
with anybody else
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Missing
A day made for a ride
blue spring skies,
Spring delivering on its promised gift
of temperate mornings
and idyllic afternoons
wind blowing cool, fresh mountain air
down from the everpresent snowdrifts and glaciers
Campfire smells from early bird campers
getting a jump on the day
and a jump on the camping season
The promise of an entire Thursday off
only one thing missing ...
I looked at this photo
to check the composition
make sure I had captured everything in the frame
and for the briefest moment,
I was surprised
and more than a bit crestfallen
at the vacant road behind me.
I pedaled on
into the increasingly chilly canyon breezes
drawing on the familiar heat
I can feel in my chest
at memories of past rides in this canyon:
An autumn bike ride
on a fall afternoon
as two thousand twelve's cycling season came to a close,
a playful but portentous wind
blew orange and yellow confetti all around
And you, grinned so wide
you could almost hear the shout of joy that your smile
suppressed
That was your happiest moment
in a year full of happy moments
More musings:
of an anniversary ride
the inception of that annual tradition
in this same canyon
four years ago
of sensual indulgences
B&F and Boysenberry
making love
to celebrate another year
of that love
and then
for the audacity of being so in love
in middle age,
paying penance
in blood and sweat,
skinned knees and scraped handle bars
but no tears.
Every photo in this canyon,
is a photo of you
at least in my warm memories
As I rounded the final switch before the summit
and felt the grade taunt and dare me to finish strong
to make this too a ride worth remembering
I buried thoughts of you
of anniversary rides
of team training
of social cycling
deep behind the pain center of my brain
pushing my muscles past the burning point
and focusing on nothing more
than the effort
of moving the air in my lungs,
and the blood in my legs
I rolled to the summit
sixty seconds faster
than I ever have before
I let the florid heat of your memory
come rushing back
to savour the moment,
the milestone,
the personal victory
with me.
And to warm me
once again
on the descent
You went home and did more fun things with your family than I could possibly write, so I won't try. But here are some photos and some memories for you to revisit and to warm you on a cold winter day. PS at first I thought that was David with long hair (not Joanne). Look away then look at it again real fast ... did you see?
The Maple Tree
What you don't know about trees
is a lot,
you said
giving me your best Olympia Dukakis impersonation.
You also said it
(or words to that effect)
about the peach tree,
the ash
and most recently,
the new addition maple
that replaced the fated honey locust
in the front yard
But never about the maple on the north side of the house
of that tree
I've never had a doubt.
The north side maple has been consistent
through storms and wind
through summer droughts
through hard winter freezes
and blights of bark beetle
the maple grew
apparently unfazed
by the calamitous passage of time
If anything
the rough times made it stronger
more resilient
more determined to make her roots in this place
permanent.
And now
After years of bending
but not breaking
in the wind
of conserving
instead of withering
in the drought
Of patiently riding out the dark winter
She stands gloriously content
in the sunshine of Spring
"Steve! I just wanted you to know that that is one happy maple tree you have there. It might be the happiest maple tree in West Jordan." - Ray Olsen
Missing II
Long day
road day
home to a vacation empty house
I miss you
Nothing specific
just beginning to notice all the empty spaces
in our home
and in my life
that you occupy.
I'm not sad
or desperate
but I am keenly aware
that you will be home
in five days
Memorial Day
Holiday cookout
Cousins, uncles and in-laws
But no Jennifer
Missing III
Tonight I am lonesome
wish you were here
reading your books on training
and nutrition
so I could fall asleep next to you
and maybe wake up when you turn off the light
and spoon a little
then fall asleep again.
This was hard
I knew it would be
and was still surprised
when it was.
Return to me (caramia)
ritorna mi caramia, te amo
Return to me
for my heart wants you only
hurry home, hurry home,
Wont you please hurry home to my heart?
ritorna mi caramia, te amo
so lo tu, so lo tu, so lo tu mi amor
I planned for the vague
semi-empty,
partial life feeling
the hollow evenings
the restless nights
the impassive, unforgiving mornings.
I knew at points I would founder
feel unhinged
unguided,
adrift without my rudder
And yet,
when it all came about
I was still surprised
neither pleased nor sad
but resigned
Which is not to say
I begrudge your week away
or am not glad
even appreciative
that in this small way
I can help your happiness
I would do it again
will do it again
I don't even hope you know it was hard
because I know you do
I'm just saying
I shaved my Tuesday beard
and I'm ready for you to be home
We all are.
and I'm ready for you to be home
We all are.
"Counting today, only three more days of life without mommy." -Mathis
This is the last poem of your Vacation
did you say?
June
It was the biggest moon of the year
by 30,000 miles.
That's what the experts said anyway.
It was highly anticipated,
by me at least.
A moon like that is usually associated with some event
and get its own title
(Harvest Moon?)
or is associated with strong emotions: la bella luna!
(Lover's Moon?).
Or maybe it just becomes the iconic mental image
you conger up
when you think of a particular season of your life
(the Dangerous Summer?)
In the end the actual appearance of the moon
was slightly underwhelming.
It looked very much
like many other moons
that have come to us
over the mountains in the east.
over the mountains in the east.
But as I lay in our bed,
bathed in it's muted glow,
your head resting on my chest,
your breast cupped in my hand,
and half a lifetime of memories of us together
in my mind and heart,
in my mind and heart,
I thought of the day
A day no more noteworthy
than the broadcast was historic
or the moon truly Super,
but a day we shared
I thought of slow dancing in the kitchen
to music that wasn't there
delivering baked goods to neighbours
pillow-talking in the parking lot
while waiting for our daughter to finish her shift
while waiting for our daughter to finish her shift
passing time together on the porch
contemplating the week
arguing about airplanes and urban legends
stowaways and story details
and finally finding relaxation
and connection
in a twenty minute micro-massage
Well at that moment
it felt like the perfect moon
one that took 21 years to create
I thought again of the sort-of historic broadcast
of our Prophet
of our Prophet
dressed in a black suit
and a bright red tie
a tie that failed
to make it seem like he wasn't in mourning.
I thought of how losing your companion,
the one who has stood by you so long
you can't remember
how standing alone felt,
must be like losing your backbone.
How do you ever stand the same way again?
I was sad for him
but just for a moment
because I could see your face
in the blue-gray light of the Super moon
our moon
and I was happy to have that moon
and that moment
and happier still
for all the moons and moments
still to come.
Uh oh,
there's a new sheriff --- err scratch that. There are some new Marshals in
town. Ride Marshals that is. Watch out ladies of "Little Red Riding
Hood" these two mean business. With Kerri Miller & Steven
Jenn Larsen
languorous days of leisure and levity
no pressing engagements
no imminent due dates
no timetable to monitor
Evenings stretch out endlessly
skies turn a purple-blue
that forces you to stop what you are doing
to just admire
and contemplate the mysteries of the Cosmos
or the enigma that is your fifteen year old daughter
For those few startling nights each year
you realize that what you thought was important
or pressing
or necessary...
Might not be
after all
Kids love summer
it's their favourite season
Is it any wonder
they love Elaine?
"Where's the nuther mom?" -Andrew Johnson
Elaine has changed
I noticed it as we took the wrong fork in the trail
on our accidental hike to Angel's Landing
She is taller
In every other way
she is our same Elaine
deliberate,
methodical,
unaffected,
peaceful.
She still moves with her quiet confidence
unfazed and impervious to the
urgings,
opinions
or frustrations
of anybody around her
She still possesses a mystical maternal magnetism
still draws children (Noah) to her
like June bugs to a lamppost
She's still observant and introspective
still the picture of equanimity
still a cypher and a sphynx
But she has changed
She is taller
And I got to have an entire weekend with her
It was lovely
Finally, a
family activity where we were ALL together... Taylorsville Dayzz movie in the
park.
July
Canada Day
On Canada Day
I am thankful for Canadians,
those I'm related to
and the one I married.
I am thankful for Canadians,
those I'm related to
and the one I married.
Our
anniversary bike ride, this time doubling as a re-con of the Bear Lake 1/2 Iron
(wo)man bike course and a trial swim in open water (dans vêtement de plongée).
Twenty and One
Anniversary
Twenty one years together
half a lifetime, shared
Ted and Andrea Owens are going to be in town on Sunday. We are hosting a get together after church. Come at 12:30-ish and if you can, bring a finger food. Everyone is invited so please help spread the word! (And there is no choir....)
Zach Happens
July was official bike to work month (and, of course, Tour month). I rode my bike to work every day I worked in July; Zach noticed. Over those four weeks he went from riding to work on a huffy/walmart special to purchasing two (two!) road bikes, one used, one new and the beginnings of a cycling wardrobe. By the middle of August he was climbing canyons with us and planning on replicating the Mt Nebo climb from the Tour of Utah in the Fall. Initially it was going to be Fall of 2014, but everything with Zach and cycling was on the fast track. The whole experience felt like adopting a toddler, watching him grow and then sending him off to college all in a three month span. I enjoyed it though. It was fun to watch somebody discover and fall in love with an activity that I love too.
"When I grow up I'm going to the Tour de France and then I will come home and watch myself on television." -Mathis
August
Jenn's trial
tri-training. We got up at 5:30 (actually Jenn got up at 4 and had breakfast
cause she read somewhere she needs to eat 3 hours before exercising ... I'm not
supposed to talk about it). She went back to bed and then at 6 we went together
to the rec center where she swam a kilometer (not pictured), then we drove out
to Herriman and rode the Mountain View Corridor for 40(ish) miles. We ran into
our buddy Zach the proselyte (one month into cycling and he's already all-in)
told him to jump on and we rode a wicked tailwind north for 15 miles, grabbed
some Strava PRs and top tens then ground our way back (into the wind this time)
to Herriman. We dropped Jenn off and then she ran (I drove cause running and I
aren't in love yet) the ten miles home. Not a bad morning's work.
My beautiful
15 mile morning run around Pineview Reservoir
and Steven's grueling 113.9 mile, 11 000 feet of vertical climb, ending at the top of Little Cottonwood Canyon, can't believe you did it, you are amazing, honey! ride.
Have I told you that you're wonderful,
today?
Has anybody told you that,
today?
You are.
You are wonderful
You are beautiful
You are loyal
You are generous of spirit
You are dedicated
You are talented
You are athletic
You are capable
You are forty-two and the only evidence
of that is on your birth certificate
and those aren't even all the
reasons* that I love you
xome.
*but they are some of the less
self-serving ones
Timpanogos
cave with Mathis. (A family tradition when our kids turn 12. When you turn 16,
Mathis, we'll hike to the top!)
A car full of girls. (It's a little silly and
loud.) Hooray for cousins!
Moffatts have a new van* (with a sunroof)
*'cept it's a car, not a van
The Tenth
Annual Paul Smith (he's not dead yet) memorial ride. Starting time: 0-dark
hundred hours (when all flash photography makes you look like you are possessed
of an evil spirit ... and maybe you are seeing as how you are on your bikebefore
most sane peoples' alarm clock has gone off) at the mouth of American fork
canyon. About thirty cyclists showed up and quickly separated into groups of:
really serious, mostly serious, kinda serious and just having fun riders. Sag
support via moto dans sidecar. This was Zach(no longer the proselyte but now a
member in good standing)'s first canyon ascent. We made the 8060 foot elevation
trailhead summit parking lot in ~ an hour and twenty minutes, so kinda serious
but definitely having fun. McGriddle cakes, juice and donuts served at the
summit (and well earned). If Paul Smith (who is alive and well, thanks for
asking) will have us again next year we'll be back. Great way to spend a
Tuesday morning. Thanks everybody -S
Steven Jenn Larsen became friends with Elizabeth Jackson
Johnson.
* First you became friends with Scott and all of the Johnson children, esp Andrew, who, like Summer Smyth, still holds a place in his heart that all kids reserve for surrogate moms and almost grandmas.
I didn't tell you
but today,
in the temple
in the temple
as you walked to the veil?
I could tell it was you
(it had to be)
I could tell
(it had to be)
I could tell
by the way you moved
even though I didn't notice when you got up
and despite the fact
that everyone you were with
was dressed the same as you
that everyone you were with
was dressed the same as you
But it was you
I knew by your gait
and by the way your shoulder rolled forward as you walked
by the tilt of your head,
the easy confidence in your stride
so many minute details
that make a person who they are
that make a person who they are
details that are imperceptible
to the casual or occasional observer
but over the years
leave an indelible imprint
on a soul that has found its mate
to the casual or occasional observer
but over the years
leave an indelible imprint
on a soul that has found its mate
It's those small details
that draw me in
because they are familiar
and comforting
and warm
and they are you
and they are you
I thought of a song
not a temple song
but a love song
"something in the way she moves
attracts me like no other lover ..."
I knew I shouldn't be thinking of that song
at that time
at that time
or in that place
but I did think of it
as I sat in the terrestrial world
on my padded chair
on my padded chair
and watched you join the reverent cue
of women who were dressed like you
but who were not you
and then
before the familiar, warm ache in my chest
that sometimes accompanies thoughts of you
had a chance to cool,
you disappeared through the veil
before the familiar, warm ache in my chest
that sometimes accompanies thoughts of you
had a chance to cool,
you disappeared through the veil
and for the briefest moment
I felt desperately alone
and oh so sad to see you go
Trader Joe's
What's so special about Trader Joe's?
Nothing really
at least it wasn't the Gluten Free Mecca
it was purported to be
But you got some Dark Chocolate Almonds
I got some Maple Cookies
and we shared a bottle of cane sugar root beer
while we sat on the parking lot curb
and watched the late summer sky
change from tangerine to aubergine
It was a date-date
the kind that tells you not to wonder
if your marriage is on the right track
because you've spent an entire evening
doing nothing in particular
and it still felt like something special
An evening you may never look back on
and remember specifically
but rather it will be banked
in the vault of memories
that have stacked themselves
that have stacked themselves
one on another
and made one life out of two
September
because of you
Mathis Is Fall
somber
serious
and thoughtful
Like Fall
Mathis is splendidly full
of equal parts melancholy
and anticipation
He is the sweet enjoyment of the final BBQ
of Labour Day weekend
mixed with the wistful last September evenings on the porch
Mathis loves the excitement of the first week of school,
the first college football game
He welcomes with anticipation
the first rust coloured leaves on the Oquirrhs
and the first morning you can see your breath
as you wait for the bus
the first pot of chili of chili season
Mathis' two favourite Holidays are
Christmas
and the first day of school
It's possible he may lose friends over that second one
Mathis will fill the void left by those fickle, summer chums
with numbers, statistics and math
and he won't feel one bit sad about it
You and Fall -- Fall and You
I just remembered
I just remembered
that it was in the Fall
that I met you
and courted you
and eventually fell so completely for you
that Fall
became my favourite season
because of you
Mathis Is Fall
somber
serious
and thoughtful
Like Fall
Mathis is splendidly full
of equal parts melancholy
and anticipation
He is the sweet enjoyment of the final BBQ
of Labour Day weekend
mixed with the wistful last September evenings on the porch
Mathis loves the excitement of the first week of school,
the first college football game
He welcomes with anticipation
the first rust coloured leaves on the Oquirrhs
and the first morning you can see your breath
as you wait for the bus
the first pot of chili of chili season
Mathis' two favourite Holidays are
Christmas
and the first day of school
It's possible he may lose friends over that second one
Mathis will fill the void left by those fickle, summer chums
with numbers, statistics and math
and he won't feel one bit sad about it
A conversation with Mathis after his first orchestra performance:
Me: "Did you break your leg?"
Mathis: "I don't know how to respond to that. I played well but my leg is still intact."
Sometimes
Sometimes I
want to gobble you up
like a banana
split
with whipped
cream and nuts.
Sometimes I
want to admire you from afar
(and from
a-close)
like a
perfectly sculpted marble statue.
Sometimes I
want to brag about you,
like a close
relation of physical renown,
one who has
achieved competitive greatness.
Sometimes I
want to rub you down,
like a
thoroughbred
that
requires and merits
precision
maintenance.
Sometimes I
want to buy you doughnuts
(Doughnuts?[!]
that's crazy talk!).
Sometimes I
want to protect you,
to wrap you
in feather down
like a
crystalline heirloom.
Sometimes I
want to listen to you
with my feet
up
on the
perfect porch furniture
at sunset.
Sometimes I
want your advice
the
benefit of your hard earned knowledge
from books
and field work
Sometimes I don't
Sometimes I
want to tell you:
Just shut
that book already
unplug
that phone
put down
that notebook and pen
turn
off that light
and just
be my wife and my lover
you
will be glad
you'll
see!
Seldom am I
surprised by you
Always I am
proud of you.
Always I am
in love with you.
.JPG)
This is David's favourite triathlon picture of you. You look 'enlightened'.
fait accompli
.JPG)
You know the great thing
about being part of a team?
The thrill of victory
is twice as thrilling,
The sweet taste of success
is doubly satisfying,
The brilliance of your shining moments
is twofold as bright,
and
the embarrassment of your defeats
the frustration of your failures
the misery of your suffering
is diminished
by half
is twice as thrilling,
The sweet taste of success
is doubly satisfying,
The brilliance of your shining moments
is twofold as bright,
and
the embarrassment of your defeats
the frustration of your failures
the misery of your suffering
is diminished
by half
Trying to
talk myself into a run, but the 35 mph winds make a compelling argument to stay
inside...
Steven Jenn Larsen By
far the most gratifying bike ride I’ve had all year was on a Saturday morning
in early May. I had to work at 9 am and I had budgeted 75 minutes for a fast 25
mile ride. I hadn’t hit training goals for that week so the ride was important
to me.
When I woke up and saw it was raining I debated going back to bed or
just going to the rec and riding the spin cycle for an hour (depressing, you
shouldn’t have to do that once the snow has melted). But I have a training bike
(aka rain bike) and why have one of those if not for mornings like these? I
geared up for rain and headed out on the route I had mapped. Because it was
Saturday and because it was raining, I didn’t see a soul. As I went through
Daybreak I did see what I thought was a runner (cuz runners are more likely to
brave the weather than cyclists, mostly, I believe, because bike components
cost more to replace than running shoes, but that’s a debate for another time)
but it turned out to be somebody trying to get to the bus stop and arrive there
as dry as possible.
On the road through Herriman and out to Kennecott the skies really opened up
and what was just a sprinkle became a real rain, heading towards a downpour, my
bike, my face and everything I was wearing was covered in mud and road grit and
I was soaked to the skin … and it was at that point that I really began to
enjoy myself, to enjoy the ride, to embrace the elements and inclement weather,
to relish the fact that I could be there, doing this when so many others for
various reasons could not or would not. I felt enlightened, like I was privy to
some information that you can’t acquire in any other way than through physical effort and suffering.
As I rode back through Daybreak I did encounter two people, runners
(real ones this time) splashing through the puddles and leaping over the small
streams that had developed in the gutters (it was really, really coming down
now) and when I past them I could see they were both grinning. “They get it” is
what I thought; they may not be my team but they are definitely my tribe. They know exactly what I am feeling and thinking at this
moment: "this is terrible and miserable and really uncomfortable. It might even
be ill-advised but it feels absolutely perfect."
I spent the first 60 minutes of that ride questioning what I was doing and why
I was doing it and I spent the last fifteen minutes (and every minute I have
been on a bike since that day) reveling in the answers that I found. -S
Two words...
Peach Cobbler. (Why would anyone ever want to eat anything else?)
Antiphony
Just,
I love
you.
You are so
good to me
You believe
in me
and take care
of me
and are
always so wonderful to me
You are the
best husband
the best
supporter of me
You just love
me so much
xome
Wow, I should
tickle you on the couch more often.
I do love you (so much).
But you are wonderful
and
amazing
and
capable
and far
more
slim,
trim
and
attractive
than a forty
two year old mother of four
has a right
to be.
So you see,
It's
easy
to love you
xome (too)
Pie night!
At our house Saturday the 28th after the Women's Broadcast (about 7:30-ish). It's
Steven's birthday and he wants to eat pie and be with friends. Everyone is
welcome. Bring a pie or just come visit. (If you can't eat pie I have gogurt.)
Snow! On the
mountains! (yippee!)
September
25 via mobile
Steve, your
story of riding in the rain got me through a very windy, stormy run today, and
it was awesome!
The third
annual Nebo Loop Birthday ride (this time with the Rookie Zach in attendance).
The original plan was to do the full loop, Nephi to Nephi, 70 miles and only 40
of them scenic and/or enjoyable, but weather, time constraints and Jennifer
(who swore she would never do that again but relented for Zach's sake)
intervened. We drove to Payson, eyeballing the low skies and threatening clouds
the whole time. Then we rode t'wards the clouds, then to the clouds, then
through the clouds and finally above the clouds. You can't see Utah Valley, but
it's down there somewhere. The truncated ride was only 37 miles (half up, half
down) with ~ 5000 vertical feet of climb. We finished in almost exactly three
hours and suffered just enough to know we did something but not enough to wish
we hadn't. That's about as much as you can ask for. Thanks Jenn/Zach. Do it
again next year? Full loop?
Desiree
Marchant Syme was with Steven
Jenn Larsen.
You went to the twins' birthday party and I tried (unsuccessfully) to ride one hundred miles in under five hours. One day I'll get there, but not in the year of Jenn.
Then we had pies and friends. It was the year of Jenn but it was my day (and it included lots of pie).
Thanks,
everybody, for the birthday wishes and the pie. Especially the pie. Do it again
next year?
October
"October
is my favourite colour." -Anon
October 1 Trail running with Connie, Liz, Heidi, Melissa and Melissa's Triathlon friends
Training for Redrock Relay, the event you weren't in (and then you were).
October Wedding
We should have been married in October
It's the perfect month
mild weather,
my hair wouldn't have been humidity curled in our wedding photos
freshly harvested apples,
We could have had apple pie at our reception
Fall foliage,
we could have decorated the chapel with pink sumac, yellow aspens and red maples
Football on TV
we could have watched a BYU game on our wedding night
All my earliest memories of you
are from the Fall
and an October when I fell in love
maybe truly for the for the first time
but certainly for the last
October is an enchanted time
a crossroads
it's a month full of nostalgia for the warmth of Summer
and anticipation for the Holiday season
In October you can lose your heart
and forget your head
It's the kind of month
that makes adopting a temple kitten
seem perfectly reasonable
Mathis: "We should pray about getting a cat."
Jenn: "We're not praying about anything!"
October 11 You're in! (so are Matt and Liz and ... Melissa, cuz of course,Melissa, Heidi?) One step closer to Boston. Now all that's left is to run (fast)
Super fun
Superhero concert with my super stand partner (who is super cute!) — with Connie
Call Robinson.
Steven Jenn Larsen became friends with Mike Jones.
October
18
Started OK
with waffles for the boys but it quickly began to fall apart, your hair was
bad, nathan's hair was too and he didn't put on socks or a tie.
I left early
when you should have left early instead.
The chapel
was too full and Raechel managed to miss vehicle both departures.
You wore your
black skirt and corduroy jacket with the purplish-maroonish, striped blouse
that makes you look very together, like an outfit Sister Burt would wear.
I wanted to
tell you how nice you looked but you were late to church, you didn't like your
hair and I knew you would have none of it.
I wore my new
suit with my favourite tie (a father's day gift?) but you didn't notice.
See? it just keeps spiraling down.
Then Raechel
left church early to go home and deal with (cramps?).
All the
priests decide not to choirside.
The bishop
sets me apart and tells me to take care of Paul (other stuff too). You
finally notice my new suit but it makes you feel uneasy in the context in which
you notice it.
Reachel
doesn't want you to prioritize her life and she's not going on any stupid hike.
Choir was
full with many manly voices (including Kelly's) maybe things are brightening
...
You scorched
the carrots, I didn't salt the chicken enough, the brussels are bitter(er) and
the turnip is desiccated (and burnt).
Maybe things
aren't brightening after all.
We talked in
family home evening about not trying to punish others when you are really
punishing yourself. You talked about abandoning me on a bike ride (while
I slept completely unaware) and I thought about all the love I deny myself that
you are willing to give if I will just stop wanting you to feel what I do ...
but I say nothing. But I think it and I think you know I'm thinking it.
Maybe you didn't but now you do.
You are
so-so-so tired and you have to leave at five. I send you to the couch for
a rest while I clean up but you ask me to come and lay with you and I reluctantly
do and you feel soft and you smell ... not of perfume but clean and comforting,
the way you do when you're dressed and made-up and I can feel the soft curve of
your breast through your blouse and I want to love you but the couch is too
cramped and the kids are at the table ... chatting and role playing and getting
along famously like those three do, we could make out on the couch and they
probably wouldn't even notice but you have to leave at 5 and the kitchen needs
to be cleaned and the food put away and cookies baked for Paul.
You take
Raechel's ipod and suspend her from Luke for the week. For a
pre-missionary he's not a very good influence, for a pre missionary Reachel's
not right in her heart or head.
Raechel has
to stay late to clean up (and spend time with Luke). I half believe her
because she's telling half of the truth (the part not in parenthesis).
I clean the
dishes and the kitchen, bake the cookies (a little flat cause I substituted a
third cup o' coconut oil rather than get crisco out of storage (if there is
some in storage, if not add it to your Costco list).
Paul loves
his cookies and his mom loves that I stopped by, wish I had dropped Mathis off
first, I'll do that next time, stay a while.
Raechel is
done at 8 (not 9 or 9:30) but that is later than her
normal 7:30. We talk on the way home and she seems in a better place
emotionally. I get her fed and give her back her ipod.
You come home
from the choirside, renewed by the songs and the spirit, feeling brighter than
you have all day.
I make you
stop going upstairs so I can see you in your all black choir outfit.
Black is slimming but you don't need slimming, it rather makes you
look more athletic. You offer to let me help you out of your choir outfit
and I accept.
We kiss for a
while and you do some abdominal crunches for me to feel (impressive) and then,
more impressive still and sexier than what comes next (by an order of magnitude
but sexy in an unexpected way) you do two pull ups, slick as you please and I
am oddly aroused by the powerful grace of it, of you dressed head to toe in
formal black attire dead-lifting your entire lean, muscular frame. I
think to myself "how many wives can do that and why does it turn me on?"
You then pull
out another surprise, the red negligee of yesteryear the one that has
served as my muse on at least two occasions and observe "not bad for a 40
year old lady ..." or words to that affect. I'm not real clear on
this point because I, like you, am admiring the red and black laced frame I see
in the mirror and it's sexy in the traditional way.
We discuss
lingerie and its appropriate time, place and purpose and you sort of commit to
getting more, since you've downsized yourself and what you have is nice but doesn't seem to fit the same. I think to myself that I hope this isn't
idle banter but rather a commitment you follow through on because I really like
lingerie. Well, I like you in lingerie the way you like a gift more when
it comes in colourful paper and wrapped in a bow ... that's the way lingerie
feels. Not every day is a gift day and not every gift needs to be
wrapped, but it's always fun when it is ... you know.
We adjourn to
downstairs and chips and dips and Modern Family (a birthday gift that didn't
have to come in lingerie to be really appreciated) and you eat chocolate and
the day feels like it ended much better than it started ...
That was
yesterday
I just
realized that I didn't give you a foot rub, but I did rub your legs and now
that I think of that I'm smiling a little. I will give you a foot and arm
rub tonight, cause you'll be done with your concert and ready for a vacation
"You haven't lived until you've eaten at the Egg & I!" -nathan.
You wanted a facebook family photo and you got it... mostly.
Greg Larsen Quote of the trip, in reference to the ladder that I built to get on the trampoline:
NATHAN- This ladder is surprisingly stable.
ME- I built it.
NATHAN - You must have had help, I don't believe you could have built it by yourself
It was all of it (just... everything)
It wasn't just your hair
It wasn't just your hair
which worked
splendidly
and was long, soft and silky
and bid me run my fingers through it
It wasn't your $10 jeans
that fit better than two pair which were more expensive
Or your sweater which was a good colour on you
and complimented the season
and the remaining colours on the trees in our yard
It wasn't your makeup
that accentuated your eyes
or the perfume you put on just for me
but that wafted away during the double (mis)adventure savings card date
before I had a chance to enjoy it fully
It wasn't even the extra effort you made
to relax
and let your body enjoy a moment
with me,
despite the hour
and the house full of children
All of those things were part of it
Just like you standing in the kitchen
in loose fitting pajamas
but still managing to look lithe and alluringly athletic
and making me love you
and tell you that I love you
was part of it.
It's the entirety of you
of us.
It's the way that one day
like yesterday
spent together
feels like a gift
still.
Hallowe'en
Hallowe'en is not your favourite Holiday
but it is not without its charms
at least not while nathan is young and involved
It seems unlikely
he will disengage
from this
or any Holiday with traditions he can embrace
no matter his age
So keep your pumpkin carving knives
honed and ready
Sugar
Sugar is poison
Sugar is toxic
You don't like sugar (this is your reminder)
In case you forget... when you forget
cause Sugar
makes your memory
squishy
and sludgy
Sugar makes you slow
Sugar turns you from a runner to a jogger (yep)
Sugar is a frenemy,
a delicious lie,
a sweet seductress.
Sugar is tasty regret
Sugar makes you spongy like a jelly-roll (mmm, jelly-roll)
Sugar is your Achilles heel and your soft underbelly
Sugar makes your jeans tight
Sugar tells you:
"hold onto your old clothes, don't give them to Friends of MS!"
"hold onto your old clothes, don't give them to Friends of MS!"
not just in case
but cuz
(cuz... Sugar)
(cuz... Sugar)
Sugar is your reward for not eating sugar (I know, right?)
Do you see what Sugar does?
Do you see?
(!)
Do you see what Sugar does?
Do you see?
(!)
Sugar makes you feel bleeeeeeeeeeeeh
November
Friends > Jennifer/ Connie/ Liz < Sisters
What do you call it
when you're more than friends
but somebody messed up
before you were born
and forgot to make you sisters?
When you're each other's biggest
cheerleader,
fan
and support
When you can finish not just one another's sentences
but the sentences for the third person who's not present?
Whatever you call that
that's You and Liz and Connie.
If you started a chicana street gang
you would be
Las Tres Amigas
If you were a singing trio
you would be
Two Altos and a Soprano
If you did Ragnar as a three woman team
You could call yourselves
Faster than our husbands
Yes
more than friends
more than teammates
more than stand partners
more than companion choir voices
Maybe not sisters
But maybe more
Wow, that was really, just... wow.
A weekend of singing with friends.
When you spend two days doing something you love, with people you love and without stress it makes you look like ... Movie stars I guess. Maybe you guys should have been on the playbill instead of the Trans-siberian front man with the mullet and the violin sticking out of his neck? I, for one, would have been more interested and more likely to pay for that.
A
professional picture (thanks Carson!) from our marathon singing weekend. Just
as fun as a running weekend with friends... but with nicer clothes and hair. —
withElizabeth
Phillipps and Connie
Call Robinson.
Avg age: 36,
avg number of kids: 4.3. You look more like three sorority sisters than 3
middle aged moms (just sayin'). Also, love the scarves. -S
Connie Call Robinson I
LOVED spending the weekend with Jenn and Liz! It really was sooo much fun! And
yes we look just like cute young sorority sisters!
Beth Wallace Emett Beautiful
ladies! I want a weekend like that!
Elizabeth Phillipps Sorry Jenn and Connie that
I brought up the average kids to 4.3.
This picture is for you, Connie. Our favourite orchestra conductor. (We are not stalkers, Kayson.) — with Connie Call Robinson
"You have a crush? Not cool mommy." -nathan
A wet soggy
afternoon, with weather somewhere between fall and winter (coloured leaves on
the trees but rain turning to slush then snow, in the air). I brought ponchos
for everybody but nathan refused his and was completely soaked and huddled into
a soggy, shivering ball before the first quarter ended. We made it just past
midway through the second quarter. When Bronson Kaufusi intercepted a pass and
returned it for a TD to put BYU up 35-3 that's when we decided to we pack it
in. A shortened version of the family football game this year. We went to the
BYU creamery for ice cream afterwards (cause tradition) and home for hot
chocolate and soup. Not a bad day at all. -S
Its cold,
really, really cold... — with Steven
Jenn Larsen and Justin Cheney.
Antiphony Too
Every time I see your car in the garage
I get an excited twinge
and then sad
I need to stop going in the garage
That's how poems are born.
Dippin Day.
Actually last Friday was and I was freezing my toes off at a football game in
Indiana so kudos to nathan, Mathis (and judging from the artistic perspective
in many of the photos, Ellen was likely involved) for documenting the event.
New for this year chocolate dipped salty caramels (special thanks to Kerri Miller for the recipe) and Egg Nog (plus all the standards: Olympian cream, raspberry lemon, mint, orange etc.). Chocolates are dipped that can only mean one thing: Christmas is nigh upon us. -S
Callipygian
Also,
I've been
thinking about your bum,
some
today.
They have not
been entirely wholesome thoughts,
but like
Adam,
I am not
ashamed.
I do feel bad
about biting you though
that was
maybe uncalled for.
I told you
about how sometimes
I want to
gobble you up
right?
You can't
claim that you weren't warned.
Me: "Did you know that the thing that turns me on about you the most, from a strictly physical standpoint, is is your bum? That didn't used to be the case. I tell you these things cause I know you spend lots of time thinking and worrying about what turns me on."
You: "Is it because my breasts are small now?"
Me: "No, it's because your bum looks really great."
I am
thankful for my kids and nieces and nephews and the Park Village Turkey Trot.
(And my body that lets me run.) Good job, running, everyone! Congratulations,
Mathis, on your first 10k. You rocked it! — with Elaine
Larsen and Jane
Moffatt.
A really fun Thanksgiving, just about perfect. I remember thinking that very thing as I snapped that photo of you and Karen "Perfect, this is a wonderful moment, in great day that's been part of a banner year, your banner year, the year of Jenn." What could make it better? Your parents here to join the celebration? Do you suppose you can get along with your mom over Turkey dinner?
Thankful for
so many things but most of all family ... and pie. -S — with Lauren
Christiansen and 4
others
π
You melted my heart
with your come hither gazes
and promise of pie
December
Not cold, dreary, sad, inversion winter
nathan Is Winter
Not cold, dreary, sad, inversion winter
But happy, wonderland winter
the kind of weather that inspires songs like sleigh ride
or let it snow
songs that anyone can relate to
even if you've never ridden in a sleigh
or had a white Christmas
nathan is the improbably fun part of winter
the misshapen 'snow forts'
and snowball fights
the directionless, meandering boot prints in the backyard snow
that always make me grin
when I think our carefree child that left them
nathan's joie de vivre is contagious
even when it's tiring
nathan will keep Christmas
(and every Holiday tradition)
in his heart
and spread it to everyone he touches
and he will be loved for it
nathan knows that life is one great big apple
and because of that knowledge
nathan always gets that first glorious bite
and often the second
nathan is a Romantic
(I just realized)
duh
If our season(s) of raising children
must have an end
happy are we
that it ends with nathan
nathan makes me smile
the kind of weather that inspires songs like sleigh ride
or let it snow
songs that anyone can relate to
even if you've never ridden in a sleigh
or had a white Christmas
nathan is the improbably fun part of winter
the misshapen 'snow forts'
and snowball fights
the directionless, meandering boot prints in the backyard snow
that always make me grin
when I think our carefree child that left them
nathan's joie de vivre is contagious
even when it's tiring
nathan will keep Christmas
(and every Holiday tradition)
in his heart
and spread it to everyone he touches
and he will be loved for it
nathan knows that life is one great big apple
and because of that knowledge
nathan always gets that first glorious bite
and often the second
nathan is a Romantic
(I just realized)
duh
If our season(s) of raising children
must have an end
happy are we
that it ends with nathan
nathan makes me smile
A conversation with nathan:
Me: "You know what I like about this store (Harmon's)?"
nathan: "They don't overdecorate like some stores I know."
Me: "I was going to say they have sour dough bread chip samples and flavoured olive oil to dip it in, but OK."
"Mommy it must be hard buying all those Christmas presents. If it makes it easier I will smile extra big." -nathan
December 1st Christmas choir concert (A tribute to Christ... don't get me started) you won. It's not a competition, but you won. Everybody (even other choir members) said so.
It was the first time I really loved the Charlie Brown Arrangement of Adeste Fidelis. I think it was because I got to watch you direct and lead the choir where you wanted it to go. Before that Sunday I only got to hear you and the choir, but I was shielded by our partial, dividing kitchen wall. The visual experience took it to another level. I could follow your movements and watch as the choir responded to you leading them, elevating them, drawing music (like water from a well) from them. It was a sight to behold. And I'm far from the only one to think so...
Steven
Jenn Larsen December
1 I LOVE my ward choir. (Love!) ~J
Connie Call Robinson I
love my ward choir conductor!
Kristin Hall Norris They
sounded awesome! (They respond to their director)
Beth Wallace Emett I
agree with Connie, you make us great Jenn
Gillian Burge You
all sounded so powerful and amazing last night!
Steven Jenn Larsen Don't
forget about the musical stylings of Kelly DeHaan andKristin.
They were spectacular! I don't think I've ever had more fun directing the
choir. I'm so glad we get to do it again on the 22nd! ~J
Karla King-Leleux I
would have loved to see you in action!!
Steve Michaelis So
Fun!! Theres something special about singing with your friends about what
matters most to you. Thank you choir for creating a moment of peace on earth
December 2
Lots of fun concerts this week! We start off with symphony tonight...
December 2
Lots of fun concerts this week! We start off with symphony tonight...
Spooning leads to ...
I kissed your neck, twice
Oh, you said. Do that again.
So I did (and more)
Oh, you said. Do that again.
So I did (and more)
December 3
You are all invited to the Sterling Singers' magnificent Christmas concert. Organ, piano, brass, a glorious choir and my favourite conductor, Kelly DeHaan.
The concert was pretty amazing, and you did look fabulous and not
because of Afterglow goggles (feel free to use that term, it's a common
phenomena with me at least usually resulting in warm thoughts, overlooking
faults and often poetry) and I'm glad we went but it was not easy for us either
(I hope you know we [me, Susan Bothwell{!}, Elaine, Mathis & nathan in the Mazda, in a snowstorm for three hours] had a hard time too).
It's possible you overbooked the first week of December. I'm choosing to blame that fact and your unpredictably fluctuating cycles for the fact that you cried when I made you eat a lime (even after I made it sweet for you).
It's possible you overbooked the first week of December. I'm choosing to blame that fact and your unpredictably fluctuating cycles for the fact that you cried when I made you eat a lime (even after I made it sweet for you).
Downward Facing Gabe
Then on Saturday the 7th .
"Here's the thing" you said
as we stood among the spiral cut hams
and unimpressive chuck roasts
in the Costco butcher block
"This year I want an extra turkey;
I want a turkey for my birthday!"
You were so earnest
and despite the fact that you felt
tired
and hungry
and depleted by illness
and all the samples had gluten
and there were no cheeses of the world
(only dried meats from Spain and Italy)
and I got a hot dog and you didn't ...
you still managed to look
happy
(the season)
and festive
(your scarf)
and youthful
(your still athletic appearing frame, shaped by the previous year's efforts)
and exuberant
(the light in your eyes at the prospect of a turkey, on your birthday!)
It was at that very moment
on our Thursday Costco date
that I fell in love with you
for the thousand and first time
Shauna Sorensen Jones I
start about every other sentence with "Here's the thing." Ask Mike Jones. It's
true. Plus, if the woman wants a turkey, you should get her a turkey!
December 15th
Last choir rehearsal in casa de Larsen. It has been a music filled year. Thank you everybody for sharing your talent with my family every week and for bringing Jennifer so much joy and making her so proud (good pride not 'Ezra Taft Benson wouldn't be pleased' pride). I will miss this and I wouldn't have thought that would be the case back in January when I was still budgeting time for Sunday naps. -S
Steve Michaelis Thank You Larsen family. I love our choir. Great people + Great Music + a little bit of crazy.
All the Small Things
It's so often the small things
that draw me to you
today it was the graceful
and unexpectedly enticing
curve
at the small of your back
There's always perfume, lipstick and lingerie
a button down blouse
and black-lace slip
but those are so predictable
like adding bacon* to whatever you're cooking
so delicious
but so obvious
The small things are generally the personal things
things that perhaps only I notice
the small daily gifts
that come from being married to you
There's your all black,
velvet(ish)
choir/orchestra ensemble
complete with shimmering earrings and necklace
There's the way that sometimes
when a hug lingers a bit
it feels as though I could wrap my arms around you twice
and how occasionally
you will stay in my arms long enough
and close enough
to let me try
There's the surprising Sunday kiss
in the kitchen
in the middle of the chaos
in front of whomever may happen to be around
There's how the light of the moon
turns your now green eyes
a pale, silver-blue
the colour you say they once were
before we meet
and shared pillow shrouded midnight glances
There's how you look in summer
in a cerulian sweater
or gingham printed blouse
or pink anything
There's the length of your hair
that you can now put in a pony tail
and the way that pony tails make you look like a teen-ager
and how that makes me grin inside and out
There's the delight you feel
walking through the neighbourhood on clear winter nights
or the pleasure you derive
from shoveling freshly fallen snow
There's watching you pull away from me on a canyon bike ride,
out of the saddle
breathing easily
each pedal stroke stronger
and more confident
than the last
There's your strong arms
that do pull-ups with aplomb
and your graceful hands
the make pie crust with panache
There's the sheepish look on your face
early in the morning
as you emerge from the bathroom
naked as the day you were born
not wanting the weight penalty
of any even the most insubstantial article of clothing
when you step on the scale
There's the occasions
rare as rubies and equally precious
when you want nothing more
than to curve your sleep warmed body against mine
and just be still together in early morning sunshine.
It's all those things and more
that make me love you
*Sticking with the salty-pork metaphor, I want to go on record that there's nothing wrong with bacon. There's a reason it is so loved. A man could eat bacon every day and go to bed every night with a smile on his face and warmth in his belly. His days might be shortened, but those would be some very satisfying days.
December 22
I fell asleep before you came up and I could tell you all the wonderful things you and I accomplished this week the ways that we kept Christmas in our hearts (like post visitation Ebeneezer Scrooge):
On Monday night you assembled all the gift baskets (with a little help from Elaine and the boys.
On Tuesday we caroled our friends and you told Raechel to shut up ... She totally deserved it. Even reformed Ebeneezer would have done the same.
On Wednesday we caroled with the youth and the bishopric and saved the Bishop's skin. You made Merrilynne cry out of happiness and gratitude.
On Friday we got married, several times, for couples who were in love and waiting for us to stand in for them and say yes when asked if they would love each other forever.
On Saturday we attended yet another wedding, this one with a Mariachi.
On Sunday all the work you have done as a choir director came to glorious fruition. So many spiritually indelible moments but the one that stays foremost in my mind is you, directing the congregation in the most rousing and moving rendition of Joy to the world ever. You head is tilted back slightly, your smile is as broad as I have ever seen it, and somehow it stays, even when you sing. Your hands are clenched, your arms raised and you beaming. Rapturous, that's the only adjective that comes close to capturing what it feels like. The Rapture, it's here, now or as close as we will get in this life. Sing choirs of Angels, that's what I thought at the time. You showed us what heaven would be like (Heather Riddles observation).
It was quite a week, and I'm sad I fell asleep before I told you so.
Liz (holding hand up in my face) "No, whatever you're going to say it has to wait!" (Big hug)
This is what Kelly sent...
This must be said*:
I want to one day magnify my callings like you do. That was the best Christmas sacrament meeting ever. Hands down. With the kids and the cello duet and the special arrangements etc. and the choir has never sounded so good. It's a huge choir and they love it and that's because of your glorious leadership and fabulous musicality. Thanks for humoring me and letting me play. I felt like I was contributing again. Meant a lot. You are awesome Jennifer Larsen.
*I may have said all of that (and more, also many other people have called, texted, emailed similar sentiments) already, but I know how much it means to hear it from Kelly, so I will let him have the last word.
A Tradition Is Born (Encore!)
Jennifer
Larsen
so, Connie
and I are in cahoots about a Christmas carol sing-a-long tonight
at our house
I was this
close - to inviting everyone over in the email I sent the choir this morning
just a low
key, no pressure, sing to your heart's content
how do you
feel about that?
Steve
Larsen
fer-when?
tonight?
Jennifer
Larsen
yep
I was gonna
and then Connie said, who wants to do this?
and I said
me!
and I really
really want to make this a tradition
I thought it
up last night
Steve
Larsen
huh
well
sure
I don't see a
downside
other than
you want to
leave the stage while there is still applause
Jennifer
Larsen
this is the
after party
Steve
Larsen
sure
Jennifer
Larsen
where we get
to hang out
Steve
Larsen
and if it's
like you said
low key
Jennifer
Larsen
yep
very
Jennifer
Larsen
I posted it
on facebook already:
So, Connie
and I are not done with singing yet. We are hosting the first annual Christmas
carol sing-a-long (name may be subject to change) at my house tonight. Everyone
is invited so bring/invite friends and family. It will start at 7:00. Come when
you can, stay as long as you like. Bring something to share if you feel so
inclined. We will be singing out of the hymnbook but if you have something else
you would like to sing, bring it.
Um, who
wants to play the piano? We can take turns.
If you can't
come this year, there is always next year. (Did I mention this was annual?)
Yikes, I had better
get to work...
Steve
Larsen
If only Lin and Connie show up
don't take it
personal
(ly)
Jennifer
Larsen
nope
even if it's
just Connie
I will be
satisfied
I want to
make it tradition
Steve
Larsen
this will be
our 'last thing'
before
Christmas
maybe we
carol people as they come in the door, give them their orange and call it good?
:)
Jennifer
Larsen
hah
good idea
Steve
Larsen
what
time-ish?
Jennifer
Larsen
7
what shall I
make?
I think we
might be out of hot chocolate
I talked to
my mom for a couple of hours
Steve
Larsen
I want to
hear
but can't now
pillow talk
it up later?
Jennifer
Larsen
not really
much to tell you
just a good
conversation
Steve
Larsen
pretend
so I stay
awake for it
Jennifer
Larsen
k
Steve
Larsen
see you about
6:30
Jennifer
Larsen
is there
something easy and not too unhealthy?
Steve
Larsen
yes
and probably
not
oh
make a double
batch of creamed spinach
save half
put the other
out
Jennifer
Larsen
mmm
good idea
Steve
Larsen
with some
crackers and stuff
Jennifer
Larsen
yep
liking that
idea
Steve
Larsen
k
love you
Jennifer
Larsen
xome
Steve
Larsen
(you're
pretty amazing you know and you've had a pretty amazing year, did you notice?)
K
now going for
real
Jennifer
Larsen
you must be
going through old emails and blogs and facebooks
it's fun
Steve
Larsen
mm hmm
K
gotta go
December
23 Steven Jenn Larsen with Kristin Hall Norris and 3 others
First annual
"Just because choir's not at our house anymore doesn't mean you have to
stop singing here, Christmas carol sing-along" (it's a working title). If
you missed it this year it will be back. Instant tradition, if there is such a
thing. -S
Raechel, present and content. Not necessarily a Christmas miracle, but more a pleasant stocking stuffer (how nice and thoughtful).
Caramel popcorn. It's the Holidays so I'm OK with it. Plus it makes my girls happy. I guess I should remember that. For 2014 I will be OK with Caramel popcorn (my pledge, for my girls).
They played it again (while we were chatting) and it reminded me of this email ... from December 2nd I think, anyway, I still feel the same, 21 days later.
Pandora is
playing Last Christmas by Wham!. It's making me smile.
I love you.
I hope you know that. And I hope you know that I am proud of you,
almost always and I'm happy you have so many talents, so many interests and so
many good friends to share them with (it was the Wham Christmas
music, it's making me feel nostalgic and sentimental and reminding me more of
why and how I love you).
that's all.
I think
xome
Christmas Pyjamas
These are pyjamas
they are the best gift you will get this year
because they are the harbinger of Christmas
the keeper of Christmas Eve
my favourite night of the year
There's a magic on this night
all the built up excitement
the baking
the caroling
the wrapping and decorating
it's all for the next morning
and if I've done my due diligence
there is a gift I've found
that's just for you
Something that I've thought long about
something that's part of me
something that will let you know how much I love you
and how much this year,
your year
the year you shared with me
has meant
Every time you wear these pyjamas
or wash them
or fold them
you can remember this night
and this gift...
No way, Wham Last Christmas is playing again (again!) Yeah, it's a dopey break-up song but for some reason it makes me feel nostalgic and merry and in love all at the same time. The same feeling I get when I look at this photo from last year's Christmas Eve storm (that was a great gift, wish I could take credit)
I'm going to go home now, have a sugar cookie or two and give you a wrap around hug
I'm going to go home now, have a sugar cookie or two and give you a wrap around hug
Merry Christmas then,
xome
